NEW YORK CITY — Sesame Street was rocked today after Big Bird, popular star of the 52 year old children’s program collapsed during filming for a new episode. Witnesses say he had been complaining about muscle soreness and fatigue during the morning session before the incident which occurred during a musical number about friendship.
“He had just started his solo when I noticed he was sweating profusely, which is odd for a bird,'“ a witness reported. “Then his eyes kind of glazed over and he just dropped.”
Mr. Bird was rushed to a nearby hospital after paramedics arrived. His misfortune has sparked controversy as he recently announced via twitter that he had been vaccinated for COVID-19 causing numerous observers to speculate that it was causally linked his apparent heart attack.
While Big Bird is still in intensive care, a spokesperson for PBS did confirm that he had gotten his vaccine in recent days. He also cautioned against jumping to conclusions and encouraged everyone to do their part and get vaccinated.
“There is still a lot we don’t know about these vaccines. That’s why it is so important that everyone get them so we can find out more about them,” the spokesman said. “What we do know is that Big Bird’s vaccine-induced heart attack would have been much more severe if he hadn’t been vaccinated. That’s just the science.”
Big Bird’s decision came following the announcement by the FDA that the Pfizer vaccine had been approved for birds in a 16-0 vote. The CDC has also recommended that all bird with preexisting conditions or over the age of 18 be vaccinated. Asked if the recent string of heart problems among those vaccinated changed the appraisal of the risk-reward profile, a CDC spokesman had this to say: “Technically, since he was vaccinated less than 2 weeks ago, we count Mr. Bird as ‘unvaccinated’ for the purpose of determining adverse events.”
Despite not being asked, Dr. Anthony Fauci released a statement asserting that more federal funding needed to be made available to torture birds, and maybe learn something about diseases.
This is a work of satire. If that was not obvious, I feel bad for you.